How do I calm down before I lose my temper?

Catch the body first

Anger is not only a thought. Your body often gets there first: jaw tight, shoulders up, heart going, louder voice, shorter replies, pacing, driving faster, feeling hot.

Pick the signs that are true for you. The earlier you catch them, the less heroic the next step needs to be.

Make the next ten minutes boring

Walk. Wash your face. Get a glass of water. Make a brew. Eat something if you have skipped food. Put the phone down.

You are not solving the argument. You are giving your system fewer things to react to while it comes down a notch.

Use one sentence to create space

Try: “I’m getting wound up. Give me ten minutes and I’ll come back.”

If you leave, give a return point. Otherwise a useful pause can look like punishment or avoidance.

Decide what the actual point is

Before you go back, ask: What am I actually trying to say?

Not the ten things you could say. The main thing.

That might be: “I’m worried about this bill.” “I felt ignored.” “I’m overloaded and I need help.” “I need us to make a decision.”

If this keeps getting out of control

If anger is frightening people, becoming threatening or violent, damaging relationships or feels increasingly difficult to control, use proper professional support rather than relying on self-help tips alone.