How do I apologise properly after an argument?

Name the behaviour

“I’m sorry about earlier” is better than nothing, but it leaves the other person doing the work of deciding what you are sorry for.

Try: “I’m sorry I shouted at you.” Or: “I was out of order when I spoke to you like that.”

Do not make them argue for why it mattered

If you can see the impact, say it.

“I know that made the whole evening horrible.”

“I can see why that made you feel like I was not listening.”

You do not have to claim you understand every part of their experience. Just do not minimise the obvious bit.

Keep “but” out of the apology

“I’m sorry I snapped, but you kept pushing me” is usually heard as a defence with an apology stapled to the front.

Give the apology its own sentence. Explain what was going on separately.

Do not demand an instant reset

A proper apology does not buy immediate forgiveness.

You can do your part well and still give the other person time.

Say what you want to do differently

Keep this realistic. Not “I will never get angry again.”

More useful: “Next time I can feel myself getting like that, I’m going to take ten minutes before I carry on.”